Your Stories: walking through separation and divorce. Part 4

UNIVERSITY PRESS

(This is Part 4 in a series on separation and divorce among Christians. All these stories include editing and parts of a bigger picture. We’d be wise to know that what works for some families may or may not work for others but my hope is that God will use these posts in some small way. Maybe we gain a deeper understanding of just how hard this journey is for some of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Maybe it causes others to take a long serious pause before taking the next step in pursuing a separation or divorce. And perhaps it helps some give new thought to how they are handling their own current situation.)

Today’s stories are compiled from a group of Christian women who are or have walked through divorce. I want us to hear the common themes that seem to come out over and over when talking about this subject. It breaks my heart and gives me a renewed passion for praying for marriages in general. Not just my own.

“I feel like my child is holding the divorce against me. She gets very angry & I just wish she realized how tough it really is to be a single parent. I cannot stand for him (ex) to be in the same room as me. I guess in time I will get past that. I feel I still have a long way to go to heal. A lot of times I don’t feel like I fit in as a divorced person. You are always a 3rd wheel.

I am going thru a bible study group called divorce care . It’s been a good. My pain is watching my daughter go thru pain of abandonment, being ignored , left out from the other family .. Then I cry inside at school events etc cause I’m alone seeing other parents together and it’s just me hard being mom and dad. Then angry cause they miss out and don’t see the precious girl she is.

Divorce is harder than a death. I’ve been through both and divorce is definitely harder. Divorce leaves you feeling unloved and like there’s something wrong with you. My husband walked out on me and my two children and it was extremely hard. I remember talking to a godly woman who said, “Have you told your ex that you forgive him?” I said, “Well, no. I have forgiven him but haven’t told him that.” She encouraged me to do so and I did. It brought so much healing and made all the difference. I always struggled with feeling like a third wheel. You feel like you don’t fit in.”

I asked one woman what her advice would be to a woman going through a divorce in which her husband left with no Biblical grounds. This of course could be applied to a man in the same situation. She spoke the following:

  • Know who you are. Know that your identity is in Christ. 
  • Love yourself again. 
  • Know there’s nothing wrong with you. 
  • Forgive him and tell him. 

I’m thankful for the men and women who shared their stories with us in this space. Thank you for your courage and your willingness to speak about such difficult things. My prayer is that we understand each other better. That we have new eyes to see and pray for one another. Maybe it helps us understand why some events are hard for some our church members to attend and possibly we could whisper a,”It might be hard for you right now but know you are always welcomed to sit with me at any time.”

Satan is out to destroy Christian homes and he’s succeeding way more than any of us want. Satan loves what God hates and so he wants divorce to happen like all. the.time. And we need to stand up for our marriages and fight like men and women of God. But if we have lost this battle for whatever reason (sometimes it’s not in our control) let’s try to walk through the next stage with grace and maturity not only for the sake of the kids but for the glory of God.

I wanted to leave you with a few articles and a resource that I found to be interesting

What I wish I’d known before I got divorced.

When Christians Get Divorced.

I looked into the study/support group called Divorce Care because of this series. And from what I see it really seems like a great support for those considering, going through or have gone through divorce. You can check it out more here: Divorce Care.

In my next and final last session in this series I’ll share some final thoughts to conclude this series.