“Adorable Walker” said nobody ever…. until now!

Before:

IMG_1940

After

IMG_1938

And let’s not forget about the potty chair.

IMG_1941

IMG_1943 IMG_1942

Oh my word, I just noticed the stain under the potty chair and it looks like somebody “missed” HA! but I swear that stain has been on the floor since we bought the house – it is so not what it looks like. Bahaha!!!!

I know you think you have the greatest sister in the world but it’s actually me that has the best sister in the world. She spent five days serving our family, spending time with the kids and turning my cold gray sterile hospital equipment into cuteness adorable fun. I love my walker and potty chair. All it needs is a furry pink lid and some dice for the walker. HA!!!! Kidding about the dice. We did go back and forth on adding fringe and texture. This is when I go too far and turn “cute” into pimped out weirdness and tacky with a capital T. Or as my sister says, “Melody, you are so fourth grade!” Like I can’t seem to get out of that immature age for some reason. I got stuck there all those years ago. Oh well, I might as well own it because I don’t see it changing anytime soon.

IMG_1934 IMG_1931 IMG_1936

So as my sister worked for hours on making my stuff cute we dreamed about becoming business partners in decorated diva medical equipment. But the thought lasted about two seconds.

Linda, thank you for being my sister and for loving me so well. I appreciate it more than you know.

Linking with Jennifer,Holley and Kristin

This is the story of how karma bit me

So back in good ole college days I was in a prayer group every year with different students. Every year we’d introduce ourselves and tell one thing we would like the group to pray about. Every year I’d wig my classmates out by saying something to this degree:

Hi my name is Melody. When I was young I broke my leg. We were poor and had money for the surgery or the metal rod they needed to put in my leg. But in an amazing twist of things we found a Doctor who would work with us and use a windshield wiper from one the cars in my Dad’s auto salvage yard. They sterilized it up real good and put that baby in. And it cost us nothing! The only draw back is when it rains and my leg starts to move back and forth (My leg goes back and forth in motion like a windshield wiper.) Half the people realize immediately that it’s a sick joke. The other are still trying to figure out if I really just lied about a prayer request or not. And then I tell them and we all laugh out loud together. Fun story. I did get a few “you better be careful how many times you tell that story lest it happen to you!” Ha!

And here’s the Ha Ha not funny party of the story. On Monday morning of this week I sent the kids off to school, had my personal quiet time with the Lord and put my journal down and closed up my Bible and called for Dooley to the dog to come on a walk with me. I wasn’t planning on a long walk so I left the front door open and out the front door we went. I stepped down three steps and then I don’t know what happened. I crumbled to the ground and heard a loud snap. The thing I realize is my lower leg is hanging the wrong direction. I knew I couldn’t look at it any more or I’d pass out. So there  I am laying flat out on my back with my head on the last step screaming in pain and for help. I didn’t know at the time I had broken two bones in my leg about 4 fingers above my ankle. The bone punctured through my skin making it an “open wound” and in need of surgery as soon as possible.

Nobody was walking their dog that day so for about 7 minutes I screamed and waved my arms like a laid out pentecostal. Finally a man with his window down hear me yell “HELP” as he drove by our house. He turned around and walked up and said, “Oh good Lord!” He called 911 and then he and waited for 20 minutes until they got there. I couldn’t remember my husband’s work number so I was trying get the kind stranger to find my cell phone inside but he kept bringing back the kids iPods and such. He finally was able to get Randy by phone and he came over with one of our associate pastors.

Finally after writhing in pain for 20 minutes an ambulance shows up. And then they all got a nice good gawking look at the injury and gathered their own composure and tried to figure out the best course of action. They started cutting my pants and that’s when it got a little too close to home if you know what I mean. I’m surrounded by men and they are cutting my favorite pants off. I said, “Hey, you can’t do that these are my favorite go-to black pants with pockets so I don’t have to carry a purse.” Kind stranger man laughs out loud. EMT guys says, “Mam. we have no choice. We have to stabilize foot.”

They finally get me all packed up and on a stretcher and took me down to Greensboro where I had surgery late that night. And got a …….get this…….wait for it……..

A metal rod put in my leg! And screws and wires that look like twisty ties. You gotta be kidding Melody! Nope, I got it. I played that joke on one too many people and it caught up with me. Ha! No that’s not why it happened but it is also ironic to me that the last words I wrote in my journal that morning before my walk were, “Lord, help me to be still and sit more this week.” For reals I wrote that. I have a hard time sitting. I’m always going and doing. I wanted to sit more and be still more. Welllllllllllll I got wish worked out for sure.

I’ve been in a lot of pain and my family and church family are praying for me and I can see the impact. Randy has been so good to me  – he takes great care of me when I need him. And the kids have been very sensitive to me as well. And my Mom drove up from GA when she heard about it. She is holding the home front down with the kids while Randy stays with me in the hospital.

I was supposed to go home today but PT and OT and I all decided I needed one more day of practice. Transferring is extremely hard because on good ankle is severely sprained. So we’re figuring it all out.

How I’ve seen God work:

  • I could have laid there for much longer until someone stopped by
  • He heard my cries for help and sent a kind soul to help
  • My injuries could have been so much worse – broken neck, back, blacked out, etc
  • Used my family to minister and encourage me
  • Used our church family and friends to rally in prayer

Well, please continue to pray for us. This is not easy. I’m struggling to get on top of pain and it’s easy for me to get discouraged at the amount of time they are saying it could be for total healing. Pray that I will be patient and that I won’t miss what I’m to hear from God during this “sitting still” season.

Btw: I’m on major pain meds right now. The screen is double and I’m pretty sure I’ve repeated myself a few times or at least misspelled words throughout. So thanks for bearing with me and reading anyways. I am requesting your prayers for me though this healing process. That I will heal and mend with no complications. That I will be able to get on top of the pain and see what He wants me to see during this time. Thanks so much!

Go break another leg people!

11193438_10152910242753178_2847081642586110577_n

This was my first leg break when I was in kindergarten. Five years old and in a full body cast for 6 months. The tombstone that fell on my leg was my Great Great Grandfather’s. True story.

Kids at our school have been sending the cutest cards ever. My favorites – because there have been more than one – are the ones that say, “I hope you fell good” or  “Fell better soon” Oh bless them. We have really gotten a good chuckle out of those.

I know I’m rambling but the truth of the matter is when I finish up this post I have to go and pivot on a very very sore foot and I’d rather write about it than actually do it. I need prayers for endurance which ironically people have already prayed over me so that’s really cool.

 

 

April Fool’s 2015 in our household

And I thought April Fool’s Day was going to be a total bust this year! Sophie and I have been sick all week with the flu I think? – didn’t even think you were allowed to get the flu in the Spring but apparently it’s perfectly legal because we’ve had it since Saturday. When I realized it was April Fool’s and I had no energy to be pulling a prank I was so sad. Like seriously sad you guys. How lame is that? To be sad that you don’t get to trick people and watch their epic responses while you stand back and hold your ribs in laughter. That’s just sick. But it’s the truth.

So here’s what ended up happening this year on April Fool’s Day in our house:

1) I went outside while kids were getting ready for school and opened Randy’s glove compartment, center console and threw trash around his car, receipts, etc to make it look like that lady who stole money out of his car a few weeks ago had come back.

Response: Randy got in the car to go to work and came back inside immediately without trying to alarm Sophie (she cried last time and was so upset about the whole thing) and said, ” That lady came back and went through my car.” In utter shocked voice I exclaimed, “What?! Oh no!” And then as he walked down the steps I said, “Hey Randy?” As he turned and looked at me I said, “April Fools.” And then I got that adorable grin he gives when he knows he’s been had.

2) Decided to go out for the first time all week. Sophie in her pj’s still and me with no make up but did change out of my pajama’s for the 10 minute errand. We went to the bank to get our monthly cash budget withdrawn. It’s a large sum because it’s what we spend on groceries, miscellaneous, eating out, etc for an entire month for our household. So when I gave the withdrawal slip to the banker I said, “And I’d like that in pennies please.”

Response: Double take. “Could you say that again Ma’m?” I smiled sweetly and said, “Sure. I’d like that in pennies please.” She stammered a bit and said, “I don’t have that much.” Still being nice I replied, “Well, I’ve started shopping only in pennies as well as paying bills and I need to pay our mortgage today. In pennies.” She was puzzled and said, “I can give you half in pennies but would need to give you…….” And then I busted out laughing and apologized. She started laughing with me and it was all good and fun. Sophie was more mortified that I had played that joke on the banker than the fact she was wearing her pajama’s – granted it was the drive thru.

3) At 10:30pm Wednesday night Sophie realized we had not pranked Mitchell and she begged us to do something to him. And I was very anxious to do something as well. Not having much energy to pour into it I knew it had to be simple. A prank call would have to do. We got it all figured out and put the plan into action. Home phone rang and Randy asked Mitchell to answer it. I was upstairs hiding in our bathroom with Sophie with the lights out. Mitchell answered and the conversation went as follows:

Mitch: Hello, this is Mitchell.

Me: (in shaky granny voice) This is Ethel Blackstock and I just left the nursing home and need a place to stay for the night. Do you have an extra bed I could sleep in tonight?

Mitch: (throws the phone to Randy and says it’s an old lady wanting to stay here????)

Randy: I can’t take that call right now. You handle it.

Mitch: (Dad, this is creepy. She wants to stay with us tonight!) Ummm are you still there Ms…..what did you say your name was again?

Me: (about to wet my pants) Mrs. Blackstock. Yes, I just need to know if you will let me stay at your house for the night. I’m outside your house right now.

Mitch: (goes outside on porch to look for lady with Randy)

Me: Young man please let me speak with your father.

I leave my phone in the bathroom and Sophie and I go downstairs to find Mitchell and Randy looking for Mrs. Blackstock. Mitchell is thinking it’s the same lady who broke into Randy’s car because he wasn’t convinced she was really “old”. He’s nervous and on the front porch looking for her. I decide to help look for her too because I’m just a nice person like that. Well, things take a twist when Randy turns on ALL of us and yells “BOO!” from behind the bushes and sprays us with the water hose. We all screamed and ran inside and locked him out.

I look at Mitchell and yelled, “HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S!”

4) At this point it was 11:00pm and way past our kids normal bedtime. So we all went upstairs to go to bed and Mitchell plopped in his bed and…….fell smack to the bottom of the floor.

Randy had taken the slats out except for one. It was classic. Flailing arms and legs in the air. Couldn’t have been better. Just wish I had it on video.

Response: He jumps out of bed and runs into the hallway and looks at me and says, “I can’t believe you did this to me!”

I said, “I didn’t do that to you!” And he knew immediately his father had just gotten him good.

And it felt more than right to crawl into bed knowing we had fulfilled our April Fool’s delight that day.

Happy Day After April Fool’s!

 

A new kind of Spring blooms you will just love!

IMG_1547

This is my idea of the perfect set of blooms because you don’t have to remember to water them and they stay yellow year round. Heck you can even snag a cup of water on a rainy day without having to go back inside.

For real, how red neck can you get?

Our son put these out for some air soft target shooting this week. I thought it was pretty clever. And tacky. They will probably stay there until next Christmas. Isn’t that lovely.

Okay, so for some random weekend thoughts:

Mitchell gets to go to Dnow with his Youth Group this weekend. It’s his first time going and we’re really excited for him. He’s looking forward to it. They’re donating food for a backpack program for kids in the school system who could use the extra food over the weekend.  I love that he’s getting to participate in this! I didn’t grow up going to Dnow and didn’t hear about it until a few years ago. I’m really glad our Youth Pastor has seen this as an important part for our youth group and has encouraged our kids to go.

Randy and Sophie will have a Daddy-daughter date and will be seeing Cinderella together on Saturday. But she doesn’t know yet so don’t spoil the surprise if you know her in real life. She will be getting her special invitation from her Dad soon.

Me? Well, me and one of my BFF’s is going to get our toes done. We’ve been sending obscene pictures of our horrible chipped off toe nails to each other for the past two months saying “when are we getting our toes done?!!” So it’s time. The world will be a better place after our toes get cleaned up.

So that’s what our weekend looks like unless the Lord intervenes with other plans.

I hope you have a fantastical weekend!

 

 

 

Embrace the strangeness!

Okay, you do not need to agree or leave any sassy comments but I’m realizing and owning that we are a strange family. Really, we are. A few examples might include and I wish were limited to the following…..

In our family we’re just sick enough to occassionally turn the iconic red “you’re special” plate into a weapon. If you’re an adult and you get the red plate at your place setting then you know you’ve either been a horses hiney or you did something really stupid. Instead of the plate meaning “you’re special” for me and Randy it subtly means, “I’m not going to but I really  want to break this plate over your head right now.” And yes, we know that’s just strange.

images

I got the red plate this week for doing something really stupid. It involved wasting a ton of black ink printing off what I thought was a document but instead was a picture. Bad experience altogether. What makes it worse is that I was so proud of myself for learning how to print from my cell phone and even bragged to the entire family while I made one click from one room while the printer started up in another. Little did I know the page would be soaking wet with wasted ink. Yeah, so I got to eat off the red special plate. The kids are always confused by one of us getting the red plate when its not our birthday. But Randy and I laugh under our breath as the other eats crow off the “you’re special plate”. We do it in good humor and fun so no judging okay?

Another strange thing we do as a family is teach our dog commands to nonsensical words. She goes to her crate at night when we say, “Go to jail, Dooley.” She runs to her cozy little space and curls up in a ball. Probably dreaming of a human owner that would use words in the right context.

I’m not sure if this counts as strange or not but our family howls with our dog. Okay, just saying that out loud assures me it’s strange. But it’s the closest thing we get to being “that musical pastor’s family” that stands up on stage and performs so beautifully. In fact I will leave you with a taste of the strangeness here:

Okay, so just step into your own weirdness and enjoy it. Life’s too short to be normal. In the words of my daughter who put it so succinctly, “what is normal anyways?

Exactly.

Enjoy your weekend!

5 Boredom Prevention Tactics while waiting on the Doctor

We’ve all been there……banging our heads on the wall while we wait with our child for the Doctor to come in. So here’s a few tactics we’ve resorted to and now look forward to doing should we have a long wait.

1) Use that stiff white paper your child is sitting on to play hangman and tic-tac-toe. 

*This works like a charm. Just don’t use a sharpie unless your Doctor is okay with you decorating the vinyl bench with hangman pictures. And he’s probably not so just stick with a ball point pen. Our Doctor came in once and finished the word for Sophie. I was totally impressed with his hangman abilities.

2) Play truth or dare while you wait.

*This is awesome fun and a bit risky. We never do the truth but always do the dares. We are clear that we can never do anything that would damage anything or disrupt anyone or anything. Like I had to say, “No Way!” to the dare Sophie gave me of pulling the fire alarm. Teachable moment there about the seriousness of that and to never ever do that. See – you can still learn while having fun. Ha! Some of our past dares:

  • put a rubber glove on your head
  • do the chicken dance
  • twirl 5 times in the middle of the room
  • squeeze the blood pressure bulb thingy
  • stick a tongue depressor up your nose

You’re always dreading the door opening at any given moment but so far neither of us have ever been caught in the middle of our dare.

3) Play Doctor

I’m not good at this but Randy is hilarious with it. He makes the kids (when they were little) lie down on the table and he pretends to be the Doctor. He makes them stick out their tongue and makes fun of their bad breath. He pretends to pull vines out of their ears and makes them do crazy exercises. He always has Sophie cracking up hysterically.

4) Play Charades

My all time favorite was when Sophie was a “dead fly” on the table. Laying on her back with her legs and arms straight up in the air. Classic.

5) I Spy

Just good ole classic I Spy in the Doctor’s office. There are a million black items we’ve noticed over the years so we try to find the tiniest spec of color we can possibly find.

So that’s all I got right now. It’s fresh on my mind because we had two whole hours in a tiny little office this week. We went through every one of these things and I was so tired by the end I made her pull out her iPod to play a game. Ha! Seriously, I was like YOU WILL PLAY YOUR IPOD RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY. She begged me to keep playing. Finally I said, “Sophie, just sit still and be normal.” She literally looked at me quizically and said, “What is normal anyways?”

Somebody please help me.

When naughty lyrics provide teachable moments

Sophie and I were absolutely thrilled about our free tickets to the Figure Skating Competition Finale Night. A lady in our church asked if we wanted them on Sunday morning.

IMG_1228

Neither one of us had ever been to a Figuring Skating performance of any kind so we were both super excited. Randy was preaching Sunday night and Mitchell was at Youth Group so it was just me and Sophie driving to the “big downtown” all by ourselves. I was all proud of myself for making it to the coliseum at night and finding free parking…. granted it was in a scary, dark alley. It’s okay, I practiced my karate moves in case I needed to use them. I also have a back up safety tactic that’s incredibly weird but who knows how many times it’s saved my life. Okay, so I sometimes pull out my cell phone and have an out loud conversation to my “pretend policeman husband”. It goes like this, (*in really loud voice) “Really?!!!! So did you have to use your stun gun or your real gun on the criminal? Oh dear I hope he’ll be okay. Well I see your POLICE CAR now so so I’ll just get off the phone and talk to you in person since you’re right over there with all your weapons ready to protect anyone in danger.” This way if there are any creepers in the dark alley they’ll be scared off. I couldn’t use that tactic though because Sophie would’ve ratted me out. She’d be all, “Mom! Who are you talking to? Dad’s at church. I don’t see a police car anywhere in sight!!!! We’re the only people around right now.” I didn’t use that plan. And you know we were just fine as we sprinted to the coliseum hand in hand.

IMG_1246 IMG_1233

Sophie hooted and hollered (yes, from the South we are.) for each awesome move the skaters made. She followed the program closely to know who was skating next. Oh we clapped and yelled and delighted in each spectacular move these skaters made. At one point Sophie turned to me and said, “Mom, that skater is so in the moment.” The people in front of us laughed at her running commentary.

I have to admit that a few songs made me cringe and I hoped Sophie wasn’t paying much attention to the words. The words about taking your coat and dress off but leaving your hat on while skater girl is flinging off her coat and throwing herself on her skating partner in a seductive way. I’m still hopeful Sophie might be looking at the people around her by some odd chance. But no. She whipped that head of hers around and her eyes got as big as saucers and she said to me, “I am not clapping for her.” I know it’s not funny but ya’ll I could hardly keep myself from laughing. A few other lines caught her attention and she did the bug eyed thing and withheld her clappage.

Part of me was glad she noticed and picked up on some of these things and was offended. But then part of me was trying to figure out how to help her process it in such a way that she doesn’t come out being judgmental and feeling above that. She’s eight. So things are pretty black and white at her age. We’re laying ground work for modesty and purity even at this age. So when she sees or hears something that flies in the face of what we are training in it stands out like a sore thumb. But we want to see through grace filled eyes – not condemning eyes. A heart that is sensitive to impurity and a desire to be holy out of a love for the One who gave his life for us. Still learning and growing in these things.

It was a fabulous night filled with adventure, fun and even teachable moments.

Oh, and did I mention we had chocolate dip’n dots? Yep.

 

 

My biggest blond moment -ever!

It was strange….these symptoms I was having the entire week of Christmas. I’d go to bed exhausted from working like a ninja-elf during the day and collapsing into bed after taking my nightly vitamins and acid reflux medicine. And then like clock work I’d wake up suddenly and all wide awakey at 1am ready to conquer the world. The first night I figured I’d fall back asleep but it didn’t happen. I tossed and turned until 5am. The next four nights the same thing happened but I could tell I wasn’t going to back to sleep. So I went downstairs and folded laundry, read books, prayed and wrapped presents. I wasn’t the slightest bit tired. It was just an overwhelming wide awake feeling of wanting to accomplish and get things done with a great ability to focus like I’ve never ever in my life experienced in the middle of the night.

This kept happening and I would go back to sleep around 6am and then get up at 8:00am feeling like Santa’s sleigh ran me over head first.

It was rather embarrassing to tell my 7o something (she’d kill me if I said it out loud) year old mother who was up visiting to excuse me while I went to take a nap during the day. The week of Christmas with family visiting is just not the time you want to start insomnia for the first time ever.

Just when I was about to conclude I was going full blown cray-cray it became crystal clear what was going on.

When I went to refill the weekly medicine containers I realized I had been taking our son’s ADD medicine every night before bed instead of my acid reflux medicine that looks almost identical. As soon as I realized it I yelled, “OH MY WORD!!!!” Sophie came running in and my Mom said, “What in the world?”

I explained what I had been doing all week long. After I overcame the sick feeling of needing the reach down my throat to remove all the wrong medicine I’d been taking I was able to laugh hysterically about it.   I can’t even describe the sense of relief I had. Thankfully I had not made the switch on both ends. Our son had not been taking my acid reflux medicine and he had been taking his ADD medicine during the day. Somehow I just put his medicine in both his and my medicine container. I think that’s the biggest blond moment of 2014 – possibly my entire life! I mean that’s just all around bad.

But it It gets worse.

Because I took a week’s worth of our son’s ADD medicine he ran out a week early. And then the pharmacy started asking questions when I asked for it to be refilled early. I was all like, “Uhhh yeah, well, I know it’s a little early but could we just still get it please?” Pharmacy boy is all, “Well, why are you out so early?” And I’m like trying to figure out what to say. Because confusing medicine for one day is understandable. But 5 whole days in a row? Really? Who does that? If I tell him what I did I’m either going to come across as an insane crazy lady or a street dealer. So what did I do? What any normal mature grown up would do. I hung up on the Doctor of Pharmacy pants. I was on hold and I panicked and I hung up. I am an adult and I hung up on another adult. Who does this?

So in my mind I quickly decided plan B would have to involve going the ole natural route for 5 days. My green tea, granola consuming friends would be oh so proud. Nothing red – not even red clothing. No sugar – including candy canes. No gluten, No caffeine, No nothing. Just nothing for 5 days because I was not going to rat myself out. But then I realized we’d never be able to pull that crazy off. We didn’t go natural. We went with left overs of a lower dose I had on hand. That I got off the street. Just Kidding. Another joke that’s not very funny. And it all worked out.

As far as getting back to a normal sleep schedule – 5 days of insomnia took about 10 days to get back into my normal rhythm of sleeping all night long. But I have never been so thankful for my full 8 hours of sleep. Not only that, I have a better understanding and sympathy for people who have insomnia.  I don’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

I gave some serious thought to the power of the medicine that our son is taking. It truly has an impact on the brain and mind – for sure it does! This can be a controversial subject and each parent has to decide what is best for their child who is struggling with the very real diagnosis of ADHD or ADD. We feel the best thing for our son is to medicate right now. It helps him tremendously. For others the natural route works and that’s awesome. Judging each other through the difficult waters of ADD is not what we need. But more like an understanding of each other.

So yeah, if I survived my biggest blond moment of the last 39 years (I like pretending I’m only 39) then I can do anything.

 

 

I want a pet alpaca & and what’s your “high”?

Bill Hybels in “Just Walk Across The Room” shares an experience he does with a dinner group. They go around and share their “high” and “low” of the week. It’s an incredible way to hear from other people and we have adopted that in our home. Almost every week I’ll ask the kids what their “high” and “low” was of the week. And so today……I share two highs from last week and I’d love to know yours.

IMG_0639IMG_0619

I’m not sure which is cuter – the alpaca or the older people! Randy and I got to go to the Mountains with some of the Seniors in our church and we had such a great time. We went to Mt. Airy and saw where Andy Griffith grew up. Stopped for some good ole’ country cooking and stopped by and got some crisp country apples. We saw the world’s largest rock quarry and I bought the most awesomest Halloween hat you’ve ever seen.

IMG_0640

You know you want it.

Monday we had the most fabulous family day together. We fed the ducks, walked the Dan River and climbed bridges. I tried not to freak out and instead heed my husband’s advice – “This is good for them. It builds confidence.” They loved it and wanted to eat their lunch at the highest point of the bridge – oh you know… just a relaxing picnic while transfer trucks barrel one inch above your head while inhaling their exhaust with each bite of ham sandwich.

IMG_0665 IMG_0664IMG_0662IMG_0670

Another example of building confidence below:

IMG_0695 IMG_0689

I’m not sure why the insurance guy said we had to move our trampoline or get a net or our homeowners would increase. Sheesh, what a deadbeat. Just Kidding. We’re in the process of moving it but this was just too fun to not try.

I realize this post is nothing but a rambling mess of miscellany but it sure was fun reliving it all. Thanks for sticking in there if you did. Ha!

I’d love to know what your “high” or “low” of the week is. If it’s a “low” I will pray for you and if it’s a high I will do the dance of joy-joy with you. Oh yes this Baptist girl does dance. When nobody’s looking.

 

Why I don’t always say I’m a pastor’s wife immediately

It’s funny to me how the atmosphere can change instantly when people find out you’re a pastor or a pastor’s wife. That look of “deer in the headlights” comes over some people and if there were a quotation bubble over their head it would read, “Oh crap, holy crap that is, I just cussed in front of the preacher and offered him a beer all in the same sentence!” This is usually followed by a running commentary of the wonderful things they have done in life to date.

Some people feel the need to list their family’s perfect church attendance history from their past life and share their off-the-charts charitable giving. Seems like somewhere along the line everyone’s Granddad’s Granddad was a preacher and so that comes out as well as other Christianly sounding credentials.

If the person had used any colorful language prior to the pastor/pastor’s wife coming out of the closet then it ceases immediately and there is awkward stumbling over words and a lack of eye contact. Many times the conversation ends with “see you at church on Sunday” even though they don’t have the slightest intention of coming to church. And it’s just all around strange.

Annnnnd this is why I don’t always introduce myself as a pastor’s wife immediately. To avoid the weirdness.

I watched a similar scenario go down recently as I got to know a woman over a few weeks. I really forgot about the whole pastor’s wife thing. I wasn’t trying to hide it from her, I just thought she knew. And when I referred to my husband preaching she got the glazed over look and said, “Your husband is the pastor?”  I said, “Yeah, I thought you already knew that.” She said, “Uhhh nope. (hits herself in the forehead)  Oh blankety blank. Oh wow. I can’t believe that. This whole time we’ve been talking and you just seem so normal and all.”

I thanked her because rarely am I ever called normal. Ha! She had a good nervous laugh and things were only slightly weird for a minute or two. Or so I think. I wondered if she suddenly thought she was a “project” or thought “oh, that explains the interest in me. You’re paid to do this kind of thing.” I don’t know. All I can do is just hope she knows my title as pastor’s wife doesn’t make me any different than the girl who sat and listened to her story because I was genuinely interested and concerned.

I love being a pastor’s wife and I don’t begrudge it for one second but I do hold back sharing my title as a PW in some cases for the sake of avoiding the weirdness and other times I just forget I am one. Because what matters most is who we are not what our position is.